More on Needs & Wants

Louise and I have worked with groups of homeless men in regard to their money issues. What a fabulous way to gain greater understanding of the core of people’s money conflicts. The first question I asked myself was: why do these men remain homeless when shelter is a primary need for survival?

Why do people have a problem meeting their needs? Do they know what their needs are? By the time a person leaves home one would hope they had learned how to feed, clothe and shelter themselves, be informed about sex and money and how to have physical and emotional nurturing from others. Otherwise balance is at risk.

Most of us are able to feed, clothe and shelter ourselves, BUT are we able to have our physical and emotional needs met by others? Are you able to ask for a hug when you need one? Can you tell someone your problems and have them listen to you without judgement, pity or them giving you advice?

Human beings are feeling beings and to be fully human is to have the experience of the full range of emotions, from happiness to sadness, from grief and rage to joy and awe. Emotions, when we take the time to explore and experience them, are our internal landscapes, like weather is in the world around us: ranging from dark and cloudy and stormy to bright and calm and sunny, constantly changing, rarely the same for very long.
Most of us, however, were raised to believe that there are “good” feelings and “bad” feelings (just as the weather person predicts “good” and “bad” weather) and that the successful adult is always happy, always has good feelings, while the person who fails at adulthood has had bad feelings and, worst of all, can’t control them.

I have come to understand this conditioning as the origin of self hatred, because to be taught that my feelings are bad is the same as being taught that “I am bad”.

What if you have strong feelings about money? Talk to someone who understands and can help.


Jon Paul Miller is a Director and full-time coach with All Money Matters. Jon Paul does 1:1 consulting as well as facilitating Groups. For more information contact