Helpful Hits for Banishing the Parenting Guilts
Parenting is not an easy job even if it might come to you naturally, or your kids are just little lambs. Parenting is a skill that we have to learn and includes many challenges we will have to face along the way. Therefore it is just normal that every so often we get the parenting guilts. What we mean by this is that parents can feel guilty for many things, such as not taking them to certain activities, having too little time for the children and especially when we have to say “no”.
If you are a busy parent, you might often be rushing around. You are running one errand after another in between kids’ activities such as soccer practice, ballet classes and birthday parties. Since you are always on the run, you spend very little time with your children. Parent/family time often is down to the bare minimum and even though we are running to get our kids to their activities, we feel more than guilty. There is barely time to teach them things that are dear to you, there is no time for family dinners and there is even less time for communication. So what to do about the guilt? There are actually a few things you can do.
First of all, if you work long hours to support the family, but you really do not have another choice, do not feel guilty, cherish the time that you have to spend with your family and children. The money is necessary to feed and support your family’s life style and activities and therefore you should never feel guilty about working. Of course there is a fine line between working necessary hours and working too much. Sometimes we do not know when we cross that line. Therefore evaluate your working hours. If it is to keep your job or to reach a promotion, do not feel guilty. Treasure and cherish the time you have instead of feeling guilty about what you do not have.
Some parents feel guilty when they say “no” to their children. Saying “no” to a child that begs or throws a tantrum can be hard. In a child’s world a no can feel like the end of the world and therefore they shed tears like it is the end of the world. For some parents it is one of the hardest things to see their children cry. A sad child can make parents say yes faster than anything else in the world. Do not feel guilty to say “no”, when you think it is something they do not need, should not do or plain is something bad for them. Say no firmly and stand your ground. Push guilt aside through a firm believe in your decision. You are the parent and you know best what is good for your child.
Your child might not see it that way, but therefore you are the adult. Another way you do not have to feel guilty about using the word “No” is using it sparingly. It will lose its effect if it is used too often. Children need a certain freedom, freedom of choice, freedom to fail and learn and the freedom of doing what they want as long as it cannot seriously hurt them. Instead of saying, “no, do not do that, you will get hurt” use sentences such as “Be careful when you do this, you could get hurt”, then let them decide on their own what they want to do. For younger children it often helps to distract them, give them something else to do and they dreaded “no” does not have to cross your lips. “No” should be reserved for situations when danger or serious mishaps can harm your child.
Lastly, if you cannot afford to have your children participate in certain activities, do not feel guilty. A child does not need to do everything other children do, it does not need to own every toy there is on the big toy market. Give them what they need and what you can afford, but never feel guilty for not being able to, rather feel proud about what you can give them.
Sarah Greener’s objective is to teach others what she has had the privilege to learn about deep, abiding love, and a soul filled life. This includes being with her soulmate for 2 decades and raising 4 lovely children. Get more parenting advice at http://www.eliminateparentingstress.com.