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Parenting Guilts |
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Helpful Hits for Banishing the Parenting Guilts
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Parenting is not an easy job
even if it might come to you naturally, or your kids
are just little lambs. Parenting is a skill that we
have to learn and includes many challenges we will
have to face along the way. Therefore it is just
normal that every so often we get the parenting
guilts. What we mean by this is that parents can
feel guilty for many things, such as not taking them
to certain activities, having too little time for
the children and especially when we have to say
"no".
If you are a busy parent, you might often be rushing
around. You are running one errand after another in
between kids' activities such as soccer practice,
ballet classes and birthday parties. Since you are
always on the run, you spend very little time with
your children. Parent/family time often is down to
the bare minimum and even though we are running to
get our kids to their activities, we feel more than
guilty. There is barely time to teach them things
that are dear to you, there is no time for family
dinners and there is even less time for
communication. So what to do about the guilt? There
are actually a few things you can do.
First of all, if you work long hours to support the
family, but you really do not have another choice,
do not feel guilty, cherish the time that you have
to spend with your family and children. The money is
necessary to feed and support your family's life
style and activities and therefore you should never
feel guilty about working. Of course there is a fine
line between working necessary hours and working too
much. Sometimes we do not know when we cross that
line. Therefore evaluate your working hours. If it
is to keep your job or to reach a promotion, do not
feel guilty. Treasure and cherish the time you have
instead of feeling guilty about what you do not
have.
Some parents feel guilty when they say "no" to their
children. Saying "no" to a child that begs or throws
a tantrum can be hard. In a child's world a no can
feel like the end of the world and therefore they
shed tears like it is the end of the world. For some
parents it is one of the hardest things to see their
children cry. A sad child can make parents say yes
faster than anything else in the world. Do not feel
guilty to say "no", when you think it is something
they do not need, should not do or plain is
something bad for them. Say no firmly and stand your
ground. Push guilt aside through a firm believe in
your decision. You are the parent and you know best
what is good for your child.
Your child might not see it that way, but therefore
you are the adult. Another way you do not have to
feel guilty about using the word "No" is using it
sparingly. It will lose its effect if it is used too
often. Children need a certain freedom, freedom of
choice, freedom to fail and learn and the freedom of
doing what they want as long as it cannot seriously
hurt them. Instead of saying, "no, do not do that,
you will get hurt" use sentences such as "Be careful
when you do this, you could get hurt", then let them
decide on their own what they want to do. For
younger children it often helps to distract them,
give them something else to do and they dreaded "no"
does not have to cross your lips. "No" should be
reserved for situations when danger or serious
mishaps can harm your child.
Lastly, if you cannot afford to have your children
participate in certain activities, do not feel
guilty. A child does not need to do everything other
children do, it does not need to own every toy there
is on the big toy market. Give them what they need
and what you can afford, but never feel guilty for
not being able to, rather feel proud about what you
can give them.
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Sarah Greener's objective is to teach others what
she has had the privilege to learn about deep,
abiding love, and a soul filled life. This includes
being with her soulmate for 2 decades and raising 4
lovely children. Get more parenting advice at
http://www.eliminateparentingstress.com.
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It's choice,
not chance,
that determines
your destiny.
Jean Nidetch |
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